As many of you may have read in my 'about me' section, this is a huge part of my life for me, as my grandad passed away just over 3 years ago :( but my dad also had a cancer scare which will be on another post, so I'm sorry if this post goes a bit rubbish and is an essay but it feels better to get it all out!
My grandad was a truly amazing man and he is remembered every single day. I was really close to him, always round at his and my granny's house and the farm as a child through to until he died, so was understandably devastated when he had to leave us.
Apparently when me and my brother were a lot younger, there had been a cancer scare but wasn't brought up and begun to be treated without any of the grandchildren becoming aware. When it made a big reappearance a couple of years later (as we have now been told), it turned out that because of his age (thankfully he had lived a long life) that there wasn't really much that people could do. He really looked out for me, as well as the rest of my family, always making jokes and continually keeping everyone so happy.
I would have loved for him to see where I am now, to meet my boyfriend Liam as I've mentioned before as they would have got on so well, and I am sure he would have been so proud to see me so happy, doing well at uni, and generally just enjoying life. One of the things I dislike about being at uni is not being able to see people as much, in particular my Granny and Nan.
The day my brother and I were told of the news about my Grandad definitely brought us even closer together as a family, but also made me want to spend as much time with my Grandad as possible. I wanted to be there constantly to help look after him as the doctors had given him about 7-9months. Luckily, over the summer (about 6 months) he was still fighting and we all got to spend the summer with him.
It was so so hard to see him get weaker and weaker, but there was no way he wanted to go into a home or anything like that - when it was once suggested, he said he may as well give up if that was going to happen, so it was never mentioned again. Although he obviously depended on all of us to help him, he wanted to fight this battle his way. The Macmillan nurses did such a great job coming out nearly every day towards the end and I will always be thankful that it was them, that allowed him to stay in his own home, where he was most comfortable.
He also had the local vicar to come round and say a couple of prayers for Gran & Grandad every weekend, as he couldn't attend the Sunday service that he liked to. As this was the vicar that took the service at his funeral, it meant a lot that he had fulfilled wishes that my grandad had.
9months after the doctors said we should be prepared for the worst he was still here. He really was a true fighter and stayed for just over the maximum time had been predicted :)
I remember the day so clearly when my Grandad left us..I came downstairs for breakfast at just after 8am after the phone had just rung and saw Mum in floods of tears with my dad. I knew instantly, without asking that this was it. The worst was to be expected for 9months and this day had come.
Many things that have happened in my life really do make me have certain beliefs..I am not going to start preaching at you! but I know that there is someone who wanted my Grandad to be where he wanted when he died..and it was all as if it was meant to be in a weird way.
My uncles always come into Gran & Grandad's house for 11 o'clock cup of coffee on a break from their work, and they all live so close together which means we all see each other so often :)
On that particular morning, my Gran knew that this was it, and needed someone to help. As she went to the door to run and get my uncle (who lives right next door), my other uncle was just coming inside..this was what was meant to be. They helped my Grandad to his favourite chair in the conservatory, well, his chair..no one elses! where he used to sit and watch the sheep and cows all day long, and he died peacefully doing what he loved, just peacefully watching his herd :) To hear mum tell me all of this, made me so happy that it couldn't have ended more perfect.
The funeral was such a lovely service..I knew I had to be strong for everyone as we were all feeling the exact same. We expected there to be a fair few people as my grandad was such a well loved man, but as I sat by my gran in the funeral car and we pulled up we never did expect to see what we saw before us..there were hundreds! People had to be stood outside for the service as they couldn't fit in, even standing!! My Gran turned to me and said 'I can't do this,' to which I replied 'course you can' and squeezed her hand. It's weird how clear I remember everything. She held my hand so tightly whilst walking in and it made me so proud to be part of that family.
I was supposed to read out a poem I had found and asked to read, but I just knew I would break down, something I was trying so hard not to do, so my uncle read it instead for me.
The Broken Chain
We little knew that morning that God
Was going to call your name.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
You did not go alone;
For part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories,
Your love is still our guide;
And though we can not see you,
You are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken,
And nothing seems the same;
But as God calls us one by one,
The Chain will link again.
I thought it fitted so perfectly with how we were all feeling and still do feel. I know that he will always be looking down watching me so I want to do everything to make him proud of me :)
RIP..never forgotten xx 10.09.07 xx
